Is there "Law After Death"? Can Death be sued? How do I get a restraining order against Death? Death is pursuing me! Stalking me! And not for the first time, but the second.
It is four in the morning as I write this. (Are you sleeping?) One hour ago, I
was awakened by that Ghost again, the Ghost who wants me dead. Just as I had been awakened many times before. But I've HAD my sudden cardiac arrest. I DID the "dead thing". I thought it was FINISHED. For almost three years, I've struggled with the aftermath of being dead - the reality of being a real-life zombie. I've been living a pointless, but peaceful, life.
Lately, though, Terror has resumed its visits. As it did before my cardiac
arrest. Taunting me with chest pains. Teasing me with death. As before, it comes in a dream. To put it mildly, a "nightmare".
This time, I'm dreaming that I'm riding in my car. It's night. My wife is
driving. Then, in the blink of an eye, the dream changes. Our places are
switched. I'm driving and she's riding. The dashboard lights, and head lights,
are blinking off and on, and I can't see what I'm doing. Then the streetlights
go out and I can't see where I'm going. The brakes aren't working. My wife is
still with me. She keeps telling me, "Slow down. Watch where you're going!"
"I can't help it!", I say. I can't see anything. Everything's dark. Where are
the streetlights? I can't see the road!" An attentive spouse, she keeps
repeating, "Watch where you're going! Watch where you're going!"
She isn't listening to a word I say. "I can't see! I can't see!" "Well, watch
where you're going! Watch where you're going!"
(Now, it gets weird.)
Suddenly, I'm sitting in the driver's seat and SO IS SHE! We had been changing places. First, she was driving, then I was driving. Back to her. Back to me. A few seconds of her. A few seconds of me. And, each time that I was behind the wheel, the dashboard lights would go out. The headlights would go out. The street lights would go out. I couldn't see the speedometer or the road and the brakes wouldn't work. But now, we're BOTH sitting behind the wheel! In the same seat! She's becoming transparent. Yes, Mr. Wizard, two things CAN occupy the same place at the same time.
"Watch out! Watch where you're going!", she's telling me, again. She's telling.
I'm yelling. She's not listening. No one is listening. No one can hear me. Now
where is she? She's disappeared. I'm alone. Alone behind the wheel of a car that doesn't exist. And I realize that it isn't my wife who is taunting me to crash, no. It's that Damned Ghost again!
With that realization, and in a terror, I wake up! Shocked. Feeling like I'm
head-on into the crash. I have no control. I feel a wide strap around my chest,
squeezing me... like a jungle snake... squeezing... Heart beats faster. This is
when the chest pain begins.
But at least I'm awake, now. In bed, on my back, looking pathetic. With my two
the air, above my chest, gripping a steering wheel that isn't there. A look of
stupidity frozen into my face. Thankfully, it won't last long. The chest pain
goes away quickly. There will be no "nitro-glycerine" pill this time.
Ahhhhh... sudden relief. The "strap" around my chest breaks. No more pressure. No more snake. No more squeezing. My chest is heaving, but at least I'm breathing. I'm groaning like a lost, chained-up spirit in an old movie.
My wife is to the right of me, her back to me. She's snoring. She doesn't hear
a thing. I'm trying to get her attention, but I don't have the breath to groan
any louder. I make a weak fist and try pounding it against her butt... but, to
no avail. After a short while, though, two minutes probably, she finally wakes up. "Bob? ... are you alright?", I hear her ask in a muffled, annoyed voice?
And so this episode ends, with my emotions changing rapidly. Thoughts running everywhere. Fear stops. Anger starts. Why didn't she wake up when the car was going out of control? Resentment takes over. Why didn't she just wake up and help me? My frustration ends. I just want to get up and turn on the light. At a time like this, I HATE THE DARK! It takes a little effort... I'm still feeling weak. Eventually, I find myself sitting up on the edge of the bed... groping for the light switch. My breathing is normal again. (What a relief.) I get to my feet. Haven't found the light switch, yet. I just want out of this room, but I don't want to step forward. What am I passing through, here? A doorway? Really? And what am I stepping into? A hallway? REALLY? Not at all sure.
The last time I passed through a dark "doorway", my heart had stopped. I found myself standing in eternity, with no ground beneath my feet. And, you wanna know something? It was BETTER there. Peaceful. Pleasant, there. Better than this.
With one death already under my belt, I don't know how much more of this I can take. How much more of this do I really want? How much more for one heart?
And what more can one man say? and do? but shake his fist at the after-life,
and scream out loud, "ENOUGH, ALREADY!"
There ought'a be a law!
- - - - - - - - - -
Originally published by me on Friday, August 19, 2011 at 5:09 am
No comments:
Post a Comment